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well last night was terrible i planned on being asleep at ten but my sister wwent crazy doing her normal thing yelling and screaming hollering fussing its scary cause if she dont stop she coould be taken away casue idk how much more my family can take and it scares me and idk what else i can do i constantly pray about it and think about it all the time i dont want her to go away regardless she's my sister i love her but just idk anything anymore :( i  got up this morning and ran in a sauna suit and sweats which is ALOTA sweating but noe im STARVING and aint ate all day so fields of faith tonight should be great :)

courageous

why is all we look for are worldly things like cars houses clothes whatever??? why is that why do we focus on the things that literally mean NOTHING!!!!! you cant take your car with you when you die all that money you cant use it once your dead that big nice house guess what once you die its useless!!!! why dont we focus on eternal things like our relationship with Jesus Christ why dont we focus on getting right with God before anything God says we are to be fishers of men which means we are to go out into this world and do everything we can to bring people to him to give him everything we have to go out and show people who He is!!!! we were made to be COURAGEOUS!!!!!!! why dont we live that life why do we live the life of a coward who is to afraid of what others think to stand up and stand out for God??!?!?!?! i for one and done with it im done with being a coward im done with being afraid of what people think because i stand up for God im done with standing back and falling back into the drill of things that everyone else does im done with it im through i am meant to be courageous I WILL LIVE COURAEOUS FOR MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL give Him my ALL,,, ALL the time not just part of the time not just at church not just with certain people no with EVERYONE around EVERYONE no more mask no more excuses romans 1:16 till i die I WILL love unashamed for my God!!!!!!

banana pancakes

i really want some banana pancakes while im sittin here listening to this song by jack johnson lol sucks being sick on a diet and wanting food and friends here right now but you know i got Jesus and i got my music and i got the few friends i do have thats all that matters i love all 3 of the things that i just listed <3 all in all ive got a pretty good life better then most thats a definate i got a mom who loves me friends who are always there for me a God who is LEGIT!!!!!! so much stuff that i have that others would kill for and all i seem to want is more whats wrong with me i know how the other half lives up and down ive seen it both its not pretty so i got blessed i got really blessed and i will do EVERYTHING i can to always be sure that i dont complain about stuff just idk this is insanely random thoughts that i literally just thought of while i was typing prolly why my blog is called random blogs lol im a very odd person

lucy!!!!! :)

so i got this friends named lucy and she is a total dork shes such a nerd ;) and my  stalker and if she reads this she better not be mad cause then id laugh and be sad very confusing :)))) but shes like BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!! AS HELL!!!!!!!

i give up

i hate trying i hate feeling like i fail i hate the fact that i try and try and still fail i try and try and guess what i fail i dont see a reason to keep going on and on with this crap i feel terrible with my life i seem to fail at everything i do i fail God i fail my mom i fail my friends i fail my life i fail with everything i dont seem to help anyone all i seem to do is annoy people thats what everyone keeps saying no one likes me everyone hates me people dont wanna talk to me people dont care about me im fat im ugly im worthless i dont see the point in anything anymore maybe its true maybe what these people say are true maybe the way i feel lately isnt bad maybe its the way a failure should feel i seem to not have friends lately i seem to not have anything nothing just like a vapor in the wind i feel the only way i stand out from the crowd is cause im fat ugly and tall nothing more i feel less then dirt lately i feel like bug crap i cant find that im good at anything i cant find anything im good at maybe i aint good at nothin but  failin and i seem to do alota that lately alot of that :'( just FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just give up with my   trying with the grades how i try to make friends everything

fml

well i kinda had a good day all in all was better then nothing not to great but not to bad you know those in between days realized alota stuff realized i love my best friend but itll never happen realized ill never get anywhere but the friend zone and it pisses me off cause it dont matter what i do i still get stuck being just friends nothing more UGH FML!!!!!

i need someone to help ME!!!!!!

so..... ;'( i really need a friend i can just talk to someone i can sall up anytime of the day and talk to someone i know will be there for me whenever i need them.... i dont have that i have so many people who come to me and i listen to everyones problems i try to helo with everyones stuff id do anything for anyone i try everything i can to be there for whoever needs me... why cant i have someone like that everytime i start to open up to someone whose opened up to me and ive helped out they seem to turn away from me they find new friends they forgot about me like im just some person they use to make themselves feel better idk what i should do should i go and just stop helping people.... i cant do that im not that kinda person i cant leave someone when they need help..... maybe thats whats wrong with me i care to much about people who care so little about me maybe its just me maybe they just see me as someone who they can talk to but they know i dont spread crap yet they dont care enough about me to actually help me in my time of need :'( why.... why cant i have someone like that i turn to God for everythhin i talk to Him about everything why cant i find someone here to that i can talk to and they can talk back to me i feel so alone whenever i need that someone to talk to whenever i need to just vent but i dont have that..... they say its wrong to keep things bottled up but i aint blew up....to bad....yet :'( idk what to do i hate this feeling of  lonelyness :'( sorry for these past few depressing blogs but its all i been feeling.....